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rainbowstitchezs
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Name: stitchezs
Birthday: 3/9/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: well, i'm not the easiest person to understand. i'm anything but ordinary. often judged to quickly, and rarely ever given a chance. with friends, i'm loud, humorous, trustworthy, reliable, outspoken, and out to make the best of everyone elses life other than my own. nonetheless i'm periodically left cold and alone. time to time i appreciate having my space, normally to think and write. i come off as a hardass, but deep down i'm fragile and so easily broken. i'm obsessed with being correct consistently, and my mouth often mutters hurtful words that i don't mean. i make millions of mistakes, i'm like one huge disaster. i hate being called attractive or anything to that extent, it's all just a bunch of bullshit that doesn't matter to me. i think highly of my personality because i know there's no one out there like me. i like who i am most of the time, and the other portion i only wish i could look into another's reflection and switch. i've been hurt countless times, and never again will i
Expertise: allow it. i squeak when i'm happy and have many awkward tendencies. the possibility of you catching me smiling is damn near 1/100; but it doesn't make me a depressed gothic fuck. i'm fond of meeting new people, the probability of them knowing me deep down and understanding what i'm all about is pratically hopeless. i'm a conspiracy lover and i'm permanently unstable. -.- i'm afraid of growing old... old people may be wise; but they seem so weak. i get attached way too easily, and I hate it. :( i'm extremely sarcastic, and blunt which some consider to be my largest flaws. but "some" are those whom i should be kick in the face. and just because you read my xanga doesn't mean you know who the fuck i am. ktnx.
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  rainbowstitchezs
MSN: rainbowstitchezs@hotmail.com
Yahoo:  rainbowx_xstitchezs
Member Since:
10/31/2005
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| hmm, awkward moment; i felt like updating but i don't have much to say. rewind; i guess i have a lot to say.. but i choose not to. things have been shady lately... it seems like when everything is cruising.. bAhng, a crash takes place. you take one step ahead, and you end up going three steps back.. most of you probably think i'm fucking nutty and haven't a clue of what i'm talking about but that isn't of any importance. life is strange, things occur and fifty percent of the time, you don't catch on until it's too late. last night was indeed, like the second biggest day that i felt like disappearing off the earth. (the first would've been when josh was talking to ally) but the whole ashley thing was expected. it's like i felt it coming, so it didn't hurt half as bad as the first time. some of the words that were said to me last night has changed my outlooks on alot.. i know and can understand people say a lot of hurtful things to each other when hurt or upset.. but the words that were muttered were strong.. whether they were meant or accurate or not.. they were said. i can forgive, unfortunately - i can't forget.. and the problem with me not forgeting is me being timid, scared, and not being self-assured. it seems like he expects me to just let it all go, let him be forgiven.. because why? because he apologized? like that makes everything better? it doesn't. he thinks if he prays, that everything is gonna be alright the next day. it's not. i try not to be bitter, i've been trying since early this morning.. but i don't know how much longer i can hold the cold in my heart and act like it's not there. feelings have changed.. that's the end of it. >.< i love him dearly, i'd sacrifice my life for the man.. but i can't feel the way i do for much longer. i'm just a girl. i'm not a hero, i'm not as strong as i appear, i break just like everyone else..  i really do love you... but; just but. *shrugs* i'm gonna go watch a movie with him now.. so farewell, niggers.
p.s. i love you, jenny boo boo. ♥
p.p.s. i'll always love you, joshua robert magelitz. | | |
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happy fuckin' valentine's day, ninjas.  most motherfuckers are ghey on valentine's day.. and are all like "i don't have someone who loves me" waa, shut the fuck up. you got family and the rest of the goods, don't whine all the time. 
joshua and i haven't spent like no time together, and it's 5:30. i was hoping he'd come home right after school, and we could play games, watch movies, fuck, make dinner together, and some goods.. but i don't know how well that's going to go through because of his dad. appartently josh told his ma that we broke up, because she wondered why we weren't phoning for awhile, and his ma told his dad.. and his dad no doubt was happy about it.. now his dad is back on his rage about us spending too much time together, and giving us breaks.. and this and that. it annoys me so damn much, but i can't talk to josh about it or he'll get pissed..  so i have to express it somehow. if they had any idea of how much i love him, i don't think they'd be acting like this. i would never hurt josh, if they knew that.. maybe they'd lighten up, if they knew i wasn't forcing him - maybe they'd be more comfortable. i never told josh he has to move here, or we need to get married... i'm not pushing their son into anything.. so i don't see why they're so against our relationship. all i know is that it hurts a shitload. i know they don't hate me, but they want to make me miserable.
besides all that. joshua got his v-day box yesterday in the mail...and he sent mine yesterday. he said i should get it tomorrow. he wants to wait to open his until i open mine.. so.. i'm excited about that.  i'm gonna buy him a counterstrike lesson online too. he's been wanting one for like ever, poor guy.  counterstrike will take over the world, i fucking put money on it. anyhows, i really hope tonight goes well, and no fights occur. well, we'll see. 
happy anniversary, my love. i love you, daddy.. *hugs and kishies* | | |
| right. i swear.. there's a damn good reason why i hate xanga. i had this huge post typed out.. and it fucked me. anyways..
dear tittyface;
we've known each other for so many years that to try and recall all of memories is clearly impossible. each time we talk seems to strike something unusal, something memorable.. with you, times seem easier, brighter, you make me feel so appreciated no matter what. our friendship is about as gangstuh as tupac. and if it ever dies, it will always be remembered and remain important. we're so close.. it makes shit seem like we're lesbians. we've done so much with each other... from singing - shitting - burying bugs - games. just everything. i share my deepest, and darkest secrets with you.. because you're one i know i can trust. i could tell you anything.. and i know you would never backstab me. sadly enough, many friends can't say that. because when friends have been as close as you and i for so long.. events happen and you may be fortunate enough to forgive.. but you will never forget. i've had close friendships that have went stale, i've had friends whom i thought were my life... but in reality they were only out to ruin me, to bring me down. i've even cared so much, that i allowed them to bring me down because i couldn't walk away... but my heart knows well enough that you wouldn't stoop that low. people look at us and they automatically think you're licking my twat. but it's nothing more than jealousy, dawg. just because we're smart, just because we can look at a situation and point out similar things that would connect.. if anything that just makes us close. you got my back, and you damn well know i always got yours. i don't consider that to shoving each other's face into vagina's.. but more so respect, devotion, and love. if someone was attacking my brother.. you better believe i'd be down for killing a nigger.. and it's the same way for you. if someone was on your shit, you know.. they will get dealt with by me. and then people say "you're not apart of this, this has nothing to do with you, mind your business." well, it does have something to do with me if i find out about it.. because you're family.. family sticks together.. so don't hand me no bullshit about "mind yo own." niggers need to mind shutting the fuck up.. and there wouldn't be no issue. when you come here in april, we're gonna have such a fucking blast. walmart has no idea what's coming to them. : p i love you, beautiful. no matter what takes place.. you'll always be in my heart, i'll always consider you my true bestfriend. what i got with you, i value. *hugs you tightly* bffl, my nigguh. | | |
| kay, so hi. it's round about 4 o'clock.. and joshwa should be calling me any second. i did a lot today.. so i felt like updating. i woke up this morning and talked to josh until he pulled into his school parking lot. afterwards.. i went downstairs and packed up all the things i bought josh for valentine's day. strolled my ass down to the post office and mailed that sucka. i came back home.. and i spent like 2 hrs on the couch cuddled up with radek watching cartoons. then me and my ma talked for awhile. about odds and ends and all sorts of bullshit. then i came upstairs.. and scrubbed my room from the ceiling down. i washed my walls, my matress, polished everything, sweeped, washed my carpet, took my garbage out, i did the whole fucking deal. i had like six shots of vodka while cleaning which made it a bit more interesting. lol. after i'm done writing this.. i'm gonna put the new bedset josh got me for our anniversary on my bed.. and probably take a picture.. because it's gonna look sexy. nightmare before christmas, mofo!#. cheaa. *bust a move*right after i got done cleaning.. i got nakey.. because i was about to take a shower.. and my phone started ringing.. it was weird.. i had one leg in the tub... and just as i started to put my other in.. bAhng. i was pissed. rofl. i HATE it when my phone rings while i'm in the shower.. because then i get the floors all wet. so.. i get to the phone, and i answer it ALL pissed off.. and some motherfucker goes "may i speak to heather?" i'm thinking.. who the fuck.. it's one of them bitches who want my money, trying to sell shit.. so i'm like "well, what for?" rofl. he goes "well, this is dave from family video.. and she put in an application and i was wondering if she is looking for a part time job." i felt like such a fucking moron. i didn't even know what to say. so i was just like.. "oh, well yeah.. i am." so i have a interview at 1:30 on monday. rofl. he seems nice.. so maybe i'll get lucky.  then i finished my shower.
btw, yesterday (wed.) was a good day. josh and i got along , we've been doing a lot better lately.. i've been real happy.. yet still worried.. but i've already mentioned why. however, he does put confidence into the relationship which i adore. it helps a lot. ANYWAYS.. josh and i worked on his homework last night together. we had never done that together.. until last night. he read me a story, and i wrote him a summary... and then he did another assignment while i wrote his summary. i'm scared he may not get a good grade on it... or who knows what? but gosh.. i hope not. i'd feel bad... and stupid. heh. after we did that we watched beauty shop, and headed to bed together. i swear, that lil nigger fell asleep in 2 mins tops.
tuesday; i don't really remember what happened.. but joshua and his ghey counterstrike team won their first game. woooooo. *screams* i'm so happy for you, baby. haha, cs just gets me off to an extreme no one could understand. rofl.
anyhows, my baby is home now.. and i feel the need to spend some time with my hubby.  so chow, niggers. ♥ i love you, joshwa. daddy ;plus; binky - *smirks* 
piccies. : p of my bed. yesss, i know it's sexy.. i can only imagine if joshua was laying in it. *moans*
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| gahh. i feel like crawling into a small, black hole.. and just never coming out. i'm like petrified.. and i don't know how to make my worries simmer. i don't reckon i'm able to imagine that i, myself.. am able to rest these fears into a cabinet and lock them away. i once had a real opinion of us and our relationship. i knew that nothing could break us.. but now that all seems wasted. i want to build us back up to where we used to be, and i haven't the slightest clue about how going about doing so.
one of his ex's.. (carley) called him tonight.. it bothered the living fuck out of me. i kinda broke down in my own mind. apparently she called him to tell him how stupid he was for getting back with me? but, what no one understands.. is josh wanted me back. it's not like i went to him and begged for him to take me back. josh told me carley was trying to get him back while he was dating ashley.. and now carley begins calling him? and i'm not allowed to go to justachat anymore.. because i'll ruin his reputation. *rolls her eyes* i think that's pathetic. i know some people think highly of reputation, but i never have.. so i'll never quite understand it to the extent of others. what them bitches don't understand is i told joshua to stay with her if she made him happy. truth of the fact is; i'm terrified that he's gonna leave me for one of them. i'm not jealous of them, simply because i don't think they're better than me at all.. but, it's not about who has more style, who's better in bed, or anything for those matters. it's all about who makes him happier. and when it boils down to it, if he was happy with me.. we wouldn't break up, he wouldn't date other bitches.. so can you blame me for being insecure, and scared?
alright, well i'll probably update later er something.. i just feel like complete dook.. and wanna lay down and talk to josh. | | |
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